Do You Know the Muffin Man?
by SilverRay
Summary: Children have been abducted at the Muffin Man Mansion on Cherry Lane. It's up to Usgai and the Gundm pilots to save them. Not only that, they must save Fluffy the pig and get Wufei off of his coffee habits. Is there hope for the residence of Muffinville?
1. Enter the Players

Do you know the muffin man

Silver: This story was started from me and my brother having a wacky conversation at dinner today. It started when I couldn't stop saying, do you know the muffin man? Do **YOU **know the muffin man? Okay, I'm wacky, I know it, don't tell me. My brother was talking about how it would be a great horror story if the muffin man really killed children. Pa ping, story. So the question of this story is, do you know the muffin man. Remember this is my first attempt at a humor. Humor is not my thing I'm funny in real life but that's only when I'm in the mood and I'm thinking about wacky stuff like cheese, farts, or toilets. I hope this goes somewhere. 10:10 pm July 6, 2001.

QUICK WARNING: OCC will be here! OCC to the rescue! Warning now! Doctors will be _VERY _OCC. My brother came up with the idea for the doctors. 

Do You Know the Muffin Man 

**Chapter One**

**Enter the players**

** **

A silver haired teenage girl, walked down the street. She had lived in Muffinville her whole life and this was the first time it had happened. The Cherry Lane abductions. She paused in front of a door. She weighed her options for a moment. To knock on the door, or to not knock on the door, that is the question. She gave up and stared at the door for one more second before rasping her fist against the door three times. "DUO!" she hollered. It was eleven in the morning. "Open the door!" at the same time she knocked on the door she rang the doorbell. 

Eventually, something…er ( I mean) someone opened up the door. "Usagi do you know what time it is?" Duo asked, groggily.

Usagi blushed and turned away. Duo stood in the doorway, clad in boxers. "It's er it's ano it's eleven," she replied bringing her eyes to meet his cobalt blue eyes. Blush still lingered on her face. The boy usually had his hair in a nice and neat braid. But this time it was different. Having woken up from blissful sleep, he didn't have enough time to re-braid his chestnut brown hair.

"Yes Usagi," he glared at the girl. "It's eleven A.M! Do you remember what time I usually wake up?" he demanded.

"One," the silver haired girl shrunk away from her friend. "I just wanted to say hi. Would you mind if I came in?" she asked.

Duo sighed and stepped off to the side. Usagi stepped into the home. She looked at the mess, T-shirts, pants, boxers, everything was on the floor. She gulped and made her way into the kitchen. It was bad, not bad but horrible. Pizza boxes, old banana peels, year old donuts, roaches, and soda cans littered the floor. Usagi found a seat at the table, well not until she tossed the dirty sock onto the mess on the floor. "Hey!" Duo called as he walked in, in the middle of re-braiding his hair. "Don't dirty up my house."

Usagi nodded. _I didn't make this mess,_ she thought. _You made this mess Duo._ But of course she didn't voice her thought. Usagi carefully plucked a banana in good condition. The other fruit around it however rotted a moderate bit. It fell apart in her grasp. Maybe it wasn't in such good condition. "Well the reason why I came was because of those children being abducted on Cherry Lane. Do you think it has something to do with the Muffin Man Manson?"

Duo kicked a pizza box off of a chair and sat down in it. "Man Usagi, you're cute and all but I think you got the wrong idea. Let those Muffin people do what they want. Just leave them alone. Anyways the Muffin family is cool. Just go home and let me sleep."

_The Muffin people cool? They made the average job pay twenty seven cents. I just got lucky and Hiiro found me a good job out of town. And then Duo you just changed out of your pajamas_, Usagi thought. She sighed. The silver haired girl herself lived on Strawberry Lane, right next to Cherry Lane. Duo and most of her friends lived on Blueberry Lane which was in between Strawberry Lane and Cherry Lane. You don't get it? Well Usagi still didn't, why are there so many fruits? Not to add that one of her friends, Hiiro, lived on Bayberry Lane which was off of Strawberry Lane and somehow the rich Muffin family was able to connect a tiny alleyway in which only rats could fit through to Cherry Lane. Don't ask, money is power they say.

The braided boy leaned across the table and flicked a roach away. "Gotta call the spray guy." Usagi nodded, not really quite sure how she _should _reply. He looked at Usagi. "Don't worry so much about those muffin people. If you want," Duo shrugged. "I'll come with you if you ever go there to get some muffins. Come on babe, let's go out and do something, I don't feel like staying coped up here all day."

Usagi nodded. She didn't blame him. It wasn't that Duo was messy, he just worked late, a lot. So after a few years, it starts to build up…a lot. Duo led Usagi out of the house and locked it up. The two walked down the street and got onto Bayberry Lane, somehow. They arrived at Hiiro's house after a while. Most of the houses here were one story houses with one bath, one bedroom a kitchen and a living room. You had virtually no yard and garbage was collected once a year. Once again, don't ask, Muffin people.

The two knocked on the door, Duo more banged than knocked but that's besides the point. The point is that the door was opened for them by an annoyed Hiiro Yui and the world lived happily ever after in our dreams. Hiiro pulled out his gun and aimed right in between Duo's eyes. "Omae o koruso."

"Hey ya buddy," Duo walked right into the house not even caring that the gun was trained on him. "Yeah I know, Usagi woke me up at eleven. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! Eleven my Shinigami who wakes up that early?" (Duo's day off, forgot to mention) Duo opened up Hiiro's fridge and took out the carton of milk and drank straight from it. "Hiiro, this is…eewww it's one percent milk. Gosh." Duo opened up the fridge once more and pulled out another carton. "Oooo, two percent."

Usagi closed the door and stepped into the fairly neat house. Hiiro sat down across from her, arms crossed and glare plastered on his face. The silver haired girl watched Duo finish off his milk. He tossed the milk into the trash can. "Hiiro," he began. "You need to buy more milk."

"hn."

"Usagi will you buy me more milk?" The braided boy plastered on his face his little baby face. 

The silver haired girl sighed. "No Duo, buy it yourself with your pay check."

Duo played around with his braid for a moment thinking. "Oh yeah! I got it yesterday! I'm so rich now!"

Hiiro glared at the braided boy, a normal thing. Usagi stared at him, mouth wide open. "Duo you get paid twenty-five cents a day. You can't be rich." This is the reason why Duo works so hard, for the same pay no matter what.

"Yeah!" Duo replied. "I'm RICH!"

Usagi sighed and put her face into her hand. She immediately stood up and grabbed Hiiro's arm, despite his valiant efforts not to let this happen. After another thrash, Hiiro gave up and let himself be dragged out the door. Duo listened as the door slammed shut. "Gosh," he sighed. "You'd think they were going out."

(oh…if you don't like Usa/Hiiro stories, now's a good time to turn around. [author turns and leaves])

At that exact same time Duo said those words…

Usagi pulled away from Hiiro and smiled. She ran her hand through his hair one more time before she blushed and pulled away. Hiiro watched the girl curiously. He followed her gaze and it settled on a little dog that happened to be peeing on Hiiro's lawn or um patch of grass. The dog growled at Hiiro for interrupting his private time. Hiiro growled in return. Usagi tugged on Hiiro's arm. "Come on, leave the um…" Usagi stared at the 'dog' for a moment longer. It wasn't a dog. It was a cat. "animal and go."

Hiiro growled at the creature once more and followed Usagi off of his property. The Japanese boy put an arm around Usagi's waist. "Where do you want to go?" he asked. The boy had his eyes fixed on the sidewalk in front of him. '_Wufei's house on the right, down four more houses. Oh kuso, if he sees me and Usagi-'_ Hiiro pulled out his inflatable Duo and had it following behind him.

Wufei looked out of his window. Yui, Tsukino, Maxwell, what was wrong with Maxwell? Maybe he should stop drinking two percent milk and switch to good old whole milk. Or maybe…he's constipated. Most logical reasoning. (HUMOR PEOPLE! D-chan is soo cool with his little big braid and….nm back to the story)

As soon as they rounded the corner, Hiiro put away inflatable Duo. He replaced his arm on Usagi's waist. The silver haired girl didn't notice that anything had happened. Hiiro led the girl back towards her house. He didn't feel like going anywhere else.

"How may I help you?" a voice asked as she opened the door.

A man with big um mushroom like hair and a very freaky mustache stood on the opposite side of the door. He had a little two pointed hat, one point in the front the other in the back, sitting on the center of his head. His hair appeared to flair out from the tiny white hat. He wore a Dairy Queen outfit including a little elastic bow tie. In one hand he held a very tall stack of pizza boxes. Dairy Queen man delivering pizzas? The girl scrunched up her nose. "Miss Ririna Muffin?" (Hey the MUFFIN family, I know one member isn't related in the series but she just lives with the muffins)

"Yes," Ririna tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Since when did I order such an horrid and poor excuse for food. I-"

"Here is your order for the 457 pizzas you ordered," the man interrupted. "Now hurry up and pay."

Ririna had the boxes shoved into her face. She grumbled and reached over to the man. She pulled on the bow tie until it snapped back. The man shook himself, his dairy queen outfit covered in grease and his neck sore. Ririna shoved the money into mouth and spun him around before she slammed the door shut. The rudeness of the muffins! Why he didn't even get a tip! Well I mean the average prince of most items was two dollars. The average pay check a person got a day, twenty eight cents. It was all because of the MUFFINS! Those people WHY-! The man shook his head. They wouldn't listen to him, a lowly pizza delivery boy.

The Muffin threw the pizza boxes on the floor. "Someone picked that up! N! The amount of money spent on pizzas I never bought! Who would do this to me!" Ririna looked around the house for a second. It was really a mansion but hey who really cares. Millardo wasn't one to play practical jokes on her and Dorothy was her best friend. Ugh. "WHY me?!"

Dorothy snickered from the curtains, poor Ririna Muffin. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and checked her eye brows in a mirror. Good. Poor little Ririna, far to trust worthy. She watched as their servant, N walk out and stare at the mess of the pizza. He sighed. He wore a uniform that was much to small for him, most likely four or five sizes too small. His tie itself barely hung down from his neck and yet somehow his uniform never ever ripped. 

N started to pick up all the pizza boxes. Why oh why did he have to work for the muffins. One was way too happy for her own good, the other had a short temper and a horrible shriek, and the last one…he was just weird. 

Quatre stepped out of his house. He himself lived on Cherry Lane. His house was still tiny. All the houses were except for the Muffin Mansion. He looked up and screamed, much like a girl. There was a cow standing there. It wasn't any normal cow. First of all why would there be a PINK cow in his yard er space. The cow looked past the boy and charged straight at his house. Quatre screamed again as it went straight through his living room. "Fluffy!" Quatre cried.

The little Arabian ran into his house. Somehow the tiny one bedroom house managed to fit all of his Maganacs, his twenty nine or was it twenty eight, he forgot, himself, and his little pig named Fluffy. The boy stumbled into his house and stared at the mess. His sisters were standing there, somehow, staring at the mess. His Maganacs were eating, not paying and attention. His eyes fell on Fluffy. The pig had gone from being a normal little pink pig to a huge hot pink and purple poka dotted frog. Quatre screamed.

"FFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!"

Millardo laughed, and laughed, and laughed. The poor little boy. His precious little pig turned into a cat. Oh the good work of his friend the organ player J. He played the organ for the house, very nice pieces too. Oh he could hear his favorite right now. "Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are." Millardo sang along with the song moving his head from one side to the other. Oh the wonders of being a Muffin.

Trowa Barton walked down the street. He had passed Usagi and Hiiro. Now he was on his way to the supermarket. He stepped in, his month of paychecks in his hand. The brown haired boy grabbed a loaf of bread and walked over to the cashier. He handed him his whole paycheck. Trowa worked as a monkey at the zoo. He didn't like the job but it paid well. He got thirty cents a day. 

His whole month worth of paychecks was gone. Trowa sniffed a little, all for his little bag of bread. He walked out the door and started on his way home. He spotted Quatre running around screaming about something. As he got closer he saw that he was screaming about Fluffy, his pig. Trowa ignored the boy until he latched himself onto his shirt. The brown haired boy continued walking down the street. 

When the boy arrived at the gate to his yard he pointed down the street. "Look Quatre it's Fluffy, and he's a pig!" Quatre looked up and tore down the street screaming Fluffy's name. The brown haired boy sighed and walked into his house. He opened his refrigerator and stuck the bread into it. Everything in it had tiny little bits or pieces but off of it. Trowa did this so he didn't have to spend his paychecks on buying more new food. 

Trowa took out an apple that had been cut up already and washed in saltwater. He picked up one piece and put the rest away. He ate the slice and sat down by the computer. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, his head falling onto the keyboard. The computer beeped once, but Trowa slept on. The computer blew up but Trowa slept on. His house burned down but he kept on sleeping. Sleep was good. 

Wufei finished off his dumplings and sat back. He looked out his window. "Oh Maxwell walking down the street, Winner screaming about fluffy, and Barton's house is on fire. Nothing new. Oh look I think I can spot Tsukino's house with these binoculars." He saw a curtain moving. "What's that?" he asked. He zoomed in more. "Oh just her cat. I wonder where Yui and Tsukino are I haven't seen them all afternoon."

The Chinese boy stepped away from his window and got himself a cup of coffee. It was his seven hundred fifty second cup that day. He loved coffee. It was justice itself. He sat down again. When Wufei finished his cup of coffee he began to shake violently. It was normal. It only got bad after his six thousand two hundred twenty second cup. That's really bad but this was normal.

Hiiro walked down the street, hands shoved into his pockets. Usagi had gone to get some muffins for the Muffin Man mansion. She said that she would meet him at the park. He didn't like those Muffins. Especially that Ririna, she was annoying and…uh oh. Hiiro looked around and ducked into a coffee shop. He had to go potty.

Usagi watched as the door to the mansion opened up. "Hi I'm here to buy some muffins," she said cheerfully.

"Welcome child," the servant replied, his whole suit covered in grease and there was a pizza box on the floor. "Come this way."

Frankly, Usagi was freaked out. She followed him and he led her down some stairs into the basement. They eventually arrived into one small room where organ music was coming from. He opened the door and Usagi screamed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It stunk, I know. It was even funny. (weep) review please. I'll get the next chapter out soon. 

__


	2. Stay Away from Hot Pink and Purple Poka ...

Do You Know the Muffin Man

Okay! Here's the next boring, useless, no brainer chapter of Do you know the Muffin Man? Well no I don't but I do. This is a crummy fic, why are you wasting your time reading this? I mean I don't even read it. So You can read this, you can cry, laugh if you feel like it. Here we go. July 21, 2001 7:51 pm

** **

**Do You Know the Muffin Man**

**Chapter 2**

**Stay Away From Hot Pink and Purple Poka Dotted Frogs**

Usagi's screams stopped. She took a deep breath and screamed again. The man the organ spun around. "Shut up you old bag. I'm trying to play this piece," the organ player went back to playing the piece on a little piano that was hooked up to the organ. "Hot cross buns," he sang, "hot cross buns!" he wailed off key. "Hot CRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS Buns. One a penny two a penny, HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT CCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSS BBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!" 

The silver hair girl shrieked again. The singing was horrible. She stopped when she heard someone laughing. She spun around. It was a hot pink frog with purple poka dots. "Well hello, Miss Tsukino. You look lovely." Usagi screamed again and the frog cringed. It was about up to her knees in height. "Shush now lovely. You wanted your muffins? Well Miss Ririna is still making them. Please come with me and have some tea."

"NO!" she cried and stepped on the frog as she ran out and back up the stairs. 

The frog hopped after her. "Usagi I know how hard it is to have PMS, even though I am a guy. I have some Tylenol if you want it!" The frog ran into the wall and fell backwards. Usagi kept on running. Eventually she was able to run out of the mansion and down the street towards the park. She slowed eventually and spotted Hiiro. He was being attacked by pigeons. His hair was covered in bird poop not mentioning his clothing. 

The girl walked over to him. She heard him shouting death threats to the birds and showing them his famous glare. She smiled. The boy pulled out a gun and began to shoot at the birds dead. He ran around chasing ever last bird down. Usagi sighed and followed him. Hiiro went into his temper tantrum a lot, especially around birds but those were birds. He shot down the last one. The Japanese boy was coated in bird feathers and poop. Usagi smiled. Hiiro glared at her. "Don't say anything," he muttered.

The girl grinned. Hiiro rolled his eyes. "You look cute," she giggled. Hiiro narrowed his eyes.

"Where's my muffin?" he asked.

"A frog ate it, I never got them. I was chased out of the mansion by a hot pink and purple poka dotted frog," she shrugged. "He has some wacky crush on me. So I-"

Hiiro pulled out his gun once more. "Where is he?" He looked around. "I'll kill him."

Usagi smiled. "Come on," she grabbed his arm. "Let's get you cleaned up. Look at your hair." Hiiro growled. The silver haired girl could have sworn she heard the words stupid birds but she paid them no mind. As they were walking past Quatre's house Hiiro stopped. He looked at the pink house with a nice big glassless window into the living room. The pink was Quatre's idea. Inside was a frog shoved in with the rest of his sisters and Maganacs. Hiiro narrowed his eyes. That frog fitted Usagi's description. 

He whipped out his gun. "Omae o koruso," he walked forward. Usagi sighed. There was no stopping Hiiro when he saw some competition. Any guy er thing that wanted her would die. She rolled her eyes, Hiiro was a little too overprotective of her. She thought it was cute sometimes. Hiiro aimed his gun. Damn, stupid sister of Quatre's. He looked forward taking careful aim at the frog. Stupid Maganacs, stay out of my way. He concentrated and was about to squeeze the trigger. Stupid mountain, get out of my way. Careful, he had to take aim once more. Get out of my way you stupid pissing mutt. When the dog moved, the frog was no where to be found.

"Stupid damn teleporting frog," he muttered and returned to Usagi's side. They continued on their way to her house so he could get cleaned up. 

Trowa awoke. His whole house was incinerated. He looked immediately to the refrigerator. It was gone. Trowa let a sob escape his throat. All those paychecks worth of food! All those years he took to build up that supply! "WWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!" Trowa screamed. He glared that the remains of his computer. It destroyed his life. He knew he never should have even saved up money for that hunk of plastic and metal. His supply would have been bigger. 

The brown haired boy turned around as firefighters were still putting out the fire. Um scratch that. A hot pink and purple poka dotted frog with a red hat and a bucket filled with gasoline. The frog itself was on fire but it didn't care. It threw more gasoline on the fire. The flames grew bigger. Satisfied it turned around and hopped away. Trowa looked down. The fire hadn't reached him. "WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed again.

Duo sat back in his chair at the coffee shop. He had seen Usagi and Hiiro walk past. Hiiro covered in feathers and bird poop. He had laughed his brains out until he saw his arm around Usagi's waist. Now that was un-Hiiro like and…they were going out weren't they. He was mad. "Oh thanks." Duo said as someone placed his coffee and lunch of soggy frosted flakes in front of him. He turned to look at the lovely lady when he realized it wasn't quite a lady but a hot pink and purple poka dotted frog. 

"Kiss me," it batted its eye lashes at him. Duo was personally freaked out. 

"Um, ask him!" he pointed to Quatre. "He loves you more!"

With that the braided boy darted away as fast as he could, not even paying for the coffee. His braid bounced off of his back as he ran back to his house. This wasn't happening to him. Was he that bad looking that a frog would ask him kiss it? He swallowed hard and stopped. There was a mountain of hot pink purple poka dotted frogs looking him. "Shinigami save me!" he gulped and ran. 

Wufei finished off his next cup of coffee. He looked out the window. Barton's house caught fire once more, Yui and Tsukino walking down the street, Maxwell running away from mountains of hot pink and purple dotted frogs, winner mopping around. Nothing new. The frogs themselves were nothing new. It happened everyday. Nothing was new. Nothing ever was new. Muffinville was a boring normal place.

Usagi sat around her room. She could hear the shower running from across the hall. Hiiro always had an extra set of clothes at her place. She didn't know why but they came in handy at moments like this. She was just about to turn the page when a loud piercing screams, like a child's filled the air. Usagi knew where it was coming from. Her head spun to the east. Cherry Lane. She jumped up and ran out of her room, only to collide with a Hiiro who only had a towel around his waist. Usagi shrieked and turned around blushing hard. 

Hiiro grunted and walked past her and into her room so he could get the extra clothes. Usagi turned away and walked to leave her house. The brown haired boy stopped her though. He collided with her, sending her and him flying out the door. Usagi picked herself off the ground and ran towards Cherry lane. When she got to the Muffin Man Mansion she screamed. Hiiro stopped running right behind her. They stared at the scene. A dead and bloodied pig. 

Quatre was up and running, not from the screams but the frog that chased him. But nonetheless he ended up in front of the Muffin Man Mansion. He skidded to a halt grabbing Hiiro's shoulders hard. "Hiiro you have to save me. There's this hot pink and purple poka dotted frog that was chasing me," Quatre spun around and screamed, like a girl of course.

"FFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Usagi looked up and there it was. The hot pink and purple poka dotted frog. "Usagi, I have come for your soul!" it cried and bounded towards her. "I have come for your soul!" it stopped. "Do I smell gummy bears?" it asked.

(^_^' don't ask.)

As if it was a zombie, it started walking past Usagi and towards the street. "gummy bears," it chanted. 

"HEY!" a loud woman's voice was heard. "Get your slimy little hands out of my hair you dumb frog. NO YOU DON'T! I am the GUMMY BEAR PRINCESS AND IN THE NAME OF THE GUMMY BEAR LAND, omae o koruso." Usagi and company turned around to see the gummy bear princess (Hey tina!)slam a bathtub onto the frog. "DIE!" 

Usagi sighed and left, Hiiro following behind her. They looked back at Quatre. "FFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!" The silver haired girl shook her head. Poor Fluffy, never stood a chance.

Millardo laughed and laughed and laugh. (Someone give him some Tylenol he might have PMS) He stopped. That was good. Exchanging the child for a pig. Quatre Winner would never see his beloved pig again. Millardo began to pet the little pig's head. "What a cutie you are. AWWWWWWWWW you're so cute. Now sing with me. I love you, you love me! We're a happy family…." (Shinigami save us all.)

Dorothy sighed as she filed her nails. "N!" she called. "Get me some coffee." The servant obeyed. She smiled. With every cup of coffee swallowed in Muffinville, there would be another frog. And with a coffee addict in the little town, her spell was working wonders. The citizens never saw it coming. She laughed and finished her cup of coffee.

Duo screamed "I don't want to kissy wissy you! Go smooch Wu-man!" he yelled.

The frogs looked at each other and turned around. They bounded towards Wufei's house. The chinese boy opened the door as there was knocking on it. He screamed, like a girl (my oh my, a lot of screaming today). They all bounced towards him. "Kissy Wissy!" they chorused. 

"INJUSTICE!" Wufei tried to take out his katana but instead the frogs reached him first. He finished off his cup of coffee and threw it at them. "NO my best coffee cup!" he cried as it was trampled by the frogs. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" (so much chaos in Muffinville.)

With all this chaos in Muffinville, is there one sane person? A little girl played with her dog. "Look Toto!" she pointed at the road. "It's a yellow brick road!" In reality it was a hard black asphalt road but who cares. "Let's see if it leads to the emerald city!" Realize that Muffinville has no real roads, the streets aren't wide enough to drive one. They all lead to a dead end eventually. I didn't really think there was a sane person. 

Quatre stood up. "I'll get revenge for you Fluffy!" he smiled, a scary evil one. He walked to the hard ware store and began walking away with something in his hand. It was a faucet. "No one can stop me now!" Quatre picked the metal object up and continued walking. He stopped when he saw a candy store. "GUMMY BEARS!" He rushed in only to be met with the gummy bear princess. 

"STAY AWAY FROM **_MY _**GUMMY BEARS!" she yelled and grabbed them all and swallowed them in one bite. "AND THIS!" she pulled out a bathtub from who knows where. "Is for your futile efforts to beat me with a faucet!" She slammed it down on Quatre (don't worry he lives, who would save fluffy?) and dusted her hands off. "I feel so much better." She pointed at Quatre. "He'll pay for any damages and candy I ate." The Gummy Bear Princess walked away from the empty, very empty candy store.

Wufei walked down the street. He was able to get away from the frogs. He walked into a coffee shop, and ordered a cream pie. When he was about to eat it, it disappeared. "What the- INJSUTCE!"

Duo looked up. Since he was alive, he wanted a cream pie. He looked down and fifty cream pies came flying from the ground up and into him. Duo was flattened and covered in cream pies. He licked his lips. "EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I taste WHOLE milk." He sat up immediately and wiped all the cream off the best he could. WHOLE MILK! Who drank whole milk? Oh yeah, Wufei. No wonder he was so cranky, he put whole milk in his coffee. Maybe he should try two percent milk. 

Trowa looked up. He had in his hands, the only thing he could salvage from the burning inferno that was once his house. Coffee. He finished drinking his nine hundred fifty third cup. He was shaking violently. How could Wufei do this? He had problems after his fiftieth cup. He gulped down the rest. It was good, nice rich coffee. Yummy good ol' coffee. He had been saving these for a special occasion for seventeen years of his life. He got them when he was born. Gosh it was stale. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

I know, this chapter was totally pointless but I got a good laugh from the gummy bear princess. HEY TINA! Next will be featured, a Silver Valkyrie, Ann-chan! I wonder when the Valkyrie will go into her battle rage? Wonder what she'll do? I haven't thought of it. And in chapter four will be a Silver Shadow of death, ane-chan! Read on! I wonder myself what will happen. Hmmm. July 21, 2001 9:57 pm. 


	3. Valkyrie to the Rescue

Do you know the Muffin Man

Silver: Okay, I know, what the hell is wrong with this person? Me? I don't even know myself, I'm crazy, detached from the world, and a little young. I'm an innocent in this world! Yeah right. Innocent my ass. Okay, I'll shut up and get started on this. July 23, 2001 2:40 pm 

(Note: Silver Valkyrie: a.k.a. Ann, doesn't really act like this. She's just here, acting like a Valkyrie)

**Do you know the Muffin Man?**

**Chapter 3**

Valkyrie to the Rescue 

** **

I am a Valkyrie. I am here to take the soul of this pig to the land of the gods. This noble pig, died for no reason but STILL they send me to take up to the giant mud puddle. Gosh, the common decency of the gods. Didn't Odin have something better to do than honor a pile of pink fur? 

The Valkyrie, bathed in silver picked up the bloodied pig. "What a runt," she muttered. She tossed it upwards. "Go up there, your pig pen awaits you." She sighed. While she was in the land of the mortals, why not enjoy it? She walked towards the city center. Apparently, in the last two days, the hot pink and purple poka dotted frogs went on a rampage, destroying the whole town. She sighed. Mortals. 

She drew her long sword as she heard a noise. A hot pink and purple poka dotted frog hopped out. "DIE VERMIN!" she screamed, her eyes losing their coloring, turning all silver. 

All the frog had to say was, "Uh oh." 

Usagi sat in the middle of the street. Hiiro, Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and Wufei sat around her. Most of the town sat in the same area. Houses were on fire, people screaming, frogs hopping about, nothing out of the ordinary. A house collapsed, flames engulfing it. No problem. A frog was taking care of it. It poured gasoline and propane over the flames. Another one poured Jamaican rum over it and a loud explosion was heard. No problem, the frogs were taking care of it. 

Another person's scream was heard. Another loss. Oh well, just another loss of life. They died in a valiant battle against the flame. Everyone looked at Wufei as he began shaking, holding a coffee cup. "That was his six thousand, seven hundred, ninety eighth cup now," Trowa sighed. He held in his own hands a coffee cup. He wanted some salted apples right now. 

They heard a scream, a battle cry. Everyone looked up.

A silver Valkyrie rounded the corner, wielding a long sword, chasing after a frog. The hot pink and purple poka dotted frog didn't care. It wanted to live. The Valkyrie was already covered in the blue blood of the frogs. Everyone watched in awe. She killed off the frog and turned to an already standing house. It was a nice, pink house, with a big glassless window to the living room. Quatre screamed. "FFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone sighed. 

The Valkyrie tore through the house, setting it into flames. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quatre yelled running into it. Everyone just stared at the boy. He ran out, being chased by the Valkyrie, holding a hot pink and purple poka dotted frog. "I'll save you Fluffy!" Quatre ran on, trying to stay out of the reach of the long sword. It did eventually get him, more of his pants them him. It dropped to the floor. Quatre screamed, like a girl of course. 

The Valkyrie stopped running. "MY EYES!" she screamed. Most everyone did. Quatre was wearing hot pink underwear. The boy grabbed his pants and pulled them back on. "Don't show any more!" the Silver Valkyrie cried.

Quatre ran off. The Valkyrie unshielded her eyes, they were still silver. "What's stuck up your butt!" she yelled after him. 

The Gummy Bear Princess materialized. "Get off of my land!"

"What's stuck up your butt!"

"I found a telephone in yours. It's saying, 'would you like cheese with that'?"

"I found a flushing toilet up yours!"

"I found a gun up yours."

"I found a picture of your mom up yours."

"Oh no that wasn't my butt. That was Timmy's (no offense to any Timmy's out there. There is a reference to a certain Timmy here. Kind of an inside joke but kinda not.)"

"Oh Odin what was that doing there?" 

"Don't ask, not pretty." 

"Would you ONNAS SHUT UP!" Wufei yelled. "I'm trying (shake) to (shakes more violently) finish (starts shaking more) my COFFEE!" Wufei passes out.

Everyone exchanged glances. "Too much again," Trowa shook his head. Within seconds, Wufei regained consciousness. "Onna, don't stare at me!"

The Valkyrie glared at him, it could have melted the north pole. Even Hiiro was scared, though he didn't show it. "Well, Mr. I'm so Constipated, Take a crap already. I'm busy here trying to kill of the damned hot pink and purple poka dotted frogs YOU summoned."

"Did not"

"Did to"

"Did not"

"Did to" 

"not"

"to"

"not"

"to"

"not"

"to to to to to"

"not not to not"

"AH HA!" The Valkyrie pointed at him. "You did. You just said so yourself." She pulled out something. "Hold on I must consult the computer. I love this piece of metal."

"I love you too," it replied.

"Yes, did Chang Wufei summon those hot pink and purple poka dotted frogs?"

"Please restate the question."

"Did WUFEI summon the hot pink and purple poka dotted frogs?"

"I don't understand."

"Shut up you old hunk of crap."

"Please be nicer."

"No way, you smell like shit, give me the damn answer."

"Don't use foul language."

"I hate you!"

"But you said you loved me."

"I hate you now! You're so stupid."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Breaking up with you? I'm going to break you!"

The Valkyrie threw the computer on the ground and stomped on it. She then continued to slash it apart with her long sword. Everyone just gaped. "Now Valkyrie," the Gummy Bear Princess said calmly. "You must control yourself. I know how hard it is to break up with the computer demo-"

Point, don't stand around a Valkyrie when they are still in battle mode. The Gummy Bear princess disappeared. The Valkyrie went on a rampage through the town once more taking out the hot pink and purple poka dotted frogs. 

"NO!" Dorothy cried. "My creatures. Millardo quick, drink some coffee. N! You too!" 

"Fluffy sing with me!" Millardo's voice was heard. "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb its fleece as white as-Dorothy I'm busy! Aren't I right little fluffy. HEY don't fart in my face Fluffy." 

Dorothy heard something heavy hit the floor. She sighed. "Miss," N appeared in the doorway, timid looking. "We're out of coffee." 

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dorothy's screams reached Pluto at the time gates.

"SHUT UP!" Pluto yelled. "I'm getting my beauty rest."

Everyone awoke the next morning to a totally leveled Muffinville. Well with the exception of the Muffin Man Mansion. Usagi stood up. The Valkyrie was gone. She remembered something. "At the muffin man mansion," she began, talking to Hiiro. "in the organ room, there were children, tied up."

"So what?" Duo asked. "The organ man just likes children."

"It's the muffins," Usagi observed. "The were kidnapping the children."

"So what's there to do?" asked Quatre, mending his pants. Someone had given him a newspaper to wear over his underwear. 

"We take care of them."

"I'll help you," a high pitched, obviously woman's voice whispered. "For I am the Silver Shadow of Death. I will kill the abductor. Hey get off you monkey!" she yelled as Trowa entered monkey state and began playing with her sword. "It's sharp and it can kill. Hold on. (BBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP) sorry had to let that out." 

"What are we going to do, onna?" Wufei asked.

"I know how to get in," a laugh came after the statement. "I know how." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Okay, I know Serena a.k.a. Silver Shadows doesn't act like that. But for the story. So I finished. It's short, it's dumb. But hope you liked it. July 23, 2001 3:37 pm. 


	4. Enter the Mansion

Do you know the Muffin Man

**Do you know the Muffin Man?**

**Chapter 4**

**Enter the Mansion**

** **

(ane-chan, forgive me. July 26, 2001 3:25 am) Everyone crashed down the small tiny roads of Muffinville in Wufei's car. Everyone was packed into the little old car that was rusty well beyond reason. Wufei drove, everyone else sat, waiting. The car was going 'putt putt putt putt,' smoke flying everywhere. Usagi risked a look back. First off the car didn't fit on the road. Secondly, there was a trail of nuts and bolts that looked pretty important. The girl gulped and looked forward once more. 

The silver shadow grumbled about how the gods could hear the noise from the car. Wufei hadn't used it in at least five years. There was no point, the roads were small. The silver shadow grumbled once more and hopped out of the car. She walked beside it, her normal pace. Eventually she was walking beside Wufei and she slowed her pace a little. "Too slow?" she asked, obviously amused. Wufei grumbled.

"Weak onna," he muttered. 

The shadow whipped out something. It had an odd resemblance to Cosmos' tier with a little blade at the bottom. She held it near Wufei's throat. "Call me weak again please?" she asked. Lucky for Wufei, his car was going slower than she was. He merely sipped from his coffee cup, not wanting to do her request. 

"Good." The silver shadow hoped back into the car and they drove slowly down the small road. The car rubbing against the bricks and stuff they passed, sparks flying. They continued down the road until the Muffin Man Mansion was in sight. The shadow didn't wait for Wufei to park his car. She jumped out and walked up to the mansion, rasping her tier against the door. 

"Hello child," the servant said as he opened the door. 

"Don't give me none of that hello child crap and the welcome to our home crap," the shadow snapped.

"Welcome to our home."

"Shut up."

"Don't use rude language. We welcome peace and love."

"Peace and Love my ass. Where's the damn children?"

"Please, peace and love."

"Shove it down the crapper."

"Please, peace and love," Ririna walked towards her. The rest of the group was coming up behind the shadow. 

Hiiro eeped and hid behind Usagi. The shadow whipped out her tier. "Shove it!" she snapped. She added a high evil laugh. "If you don't wish to, speak to my tier please."

"Please, peace and love."

"Do you know any other words, weak baka onna?" Wufei asked, sipping his coffee. 

"Peace, peace, peace, welcome peace into our lives," Ririna opened her arms as if she was to welcome the peace. 

The shadow growled once and swung her tier into Ririna's face (not the blade). The shadow stepped into the light. She had a silver cloak wrapped around her, only showing her eyes that glowed silver. She jumped up and flew through the house knocking everything down, looking for the basement door. Everyone shrugged and followed, a bit calmer. The shadows tier missed hitting a vase and the blade part wound up hitting Wufei's pants. It dropped revealing purple underwear. Everyone froze and gasped. 

Wufei wasted no time pulling up his pants. "INJUSTICE ONNA!" 

"Wu-man wears purple underwear?" Duo fainted. 

Everyone else stared, mouths hanging open. Hiiro then promptly fainted followed by Usagi and Trowa. Quatre smiled. "At least someone is like me!" he bursted into tears. Everyone else just fainted including the shadow. 

"Shut up winner. I'm not weak like you. Purple is just my color," Wufei mended his pants a bit with his katana (don't ask) only ending up cutting it up. "Kuso." 

Quatre fainted. Millardo walked out and screamed, like a girl, holding fluffy. "He's here! Quick Fluffy run!" he let the pig down and it ran up to Quatre, farted into his face and ran off. Millardo smiled. He started singing and clapping his hands together. "Old McDonald had a farm, ie ai ie ai o. And on the farm they had a Quatre, ie ai ie ai o. And a weak, weak here and a weak, weak there-" 

"SHUT UP!" Wufei snapped. "I'm trying to fix my pants 

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" Quatre sat up. "I thought I smelled his fart. 

"Weak," Wufei muttered. 

The shadow sat up remembering her 'ninmu.' "Ninmu ryoukai," she stated and jumped up, tier in hand. She ran down the hall, cutting Millardo's hair to his shoulders on her way.

"MY FLUFFY HAIR!" Millardo cried. He fell down, weeping his brains out. (OOOOOOOoooooooooooooo gooey.)

Hiiro sat up. "Omae o koruso," he stated and followed the shadow.

Everyone sat up eventually. Ririna felt her hair brush her neck. It was shorter. Much shorter. She screamed. She was bald. All the doing of the shadow but what did she know. 

Dorothy cackled again. "play it again J!" she yelled. 

"Fine," the old man grumbled. "Ba, ba black sheep do you have some wool? Yes son yes son, three bags full." He hit each key on the little piano that was hooked up to the organ. 

The shadow jumped over the couch, onto the chandler and was about to slam her tier into the mantle of the fireplace when time seemed to slow. She looked around, her head moving like normal (think matrix) Hiiro was rounding the corner ever so slowly. "Damn that's the fifth time that happened in the last hour." She waited patiently. Time started back up at normal pace and her tier rammed into the mantle knocking everything over. This was fun. 

She bounced off the wall and aimed herself towards a china cabinet. She swung her tier forward and time slowed once more. "What is this, the second time in a minute. God life stinks," she muttered. Time slowed and started up again. Her tier crashed into the cabinet. Ririna screamed. Oh the poor Muffin. The shadow spun around and saw herself going towards a window. Uh oh. _CCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. _

J was not a happy man. How could he play with Dorothy screaming at him to play ba, ba black sheep over and over again. How could he play with children sleeping around him. How could he PLAY UNDER SUCH CONDITIONS? Life stunk. Simple. Why couldn't he play for the church or something like his mommy suggested. He stopped when the basement doorbell rang. He got up to answer it but Dorothy beat him to it. On the other side was a Dairy Queen man, his old friend G. 

"Hello, Dorothy Muffin?" he asked. She nodded. 

"WHAT DO YOU WANT! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BA, BA BLACK SHEEP SESSION!" she demanded.

"Here is your order for 985 pizzas," he shoved them into her face. She shoved the money into his mouth and snapped his bowtie. She spun him around and slammed the door behind him.

The Dairy Queen man spat out the money into his hand. "Where's my tip?" he asked. 

The shadow picked herself off of the floor. She had a mission to do. She bounded towards the basement door and flung it open. There stood J with Dorothy screaming at him and sure enough there were the children. Drugged most likely. "Omae o koruso," she stated bringing up her tier. 

"Wait!" someone ran into the room. "ane-chan, don't kill them yet. They didn't steal the children." 

The shadows stopped. "imooto-chan?" she asked.

"It is I! The crazy, the detached, the weird author, um what is my name?" she stopped. "Let me think of a name. Shiro Inu!"

"White Dog?" the shadow sweat dropped. 

"Oh fine, Icky Momoiro Chikyuu."

"Icky pink earth?" the sweatdrop grew bigger,

"fine I'll stick to SilverRay."

"Hai, hai," the silver shadow sighed.

"The real muffin man is….hold on," picks up stack of papers and shifts through them. "The muffin man, abductor of children is…."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Short and sweat. Short and cheap. Short and Dumb. Short and wacky. Anything else? I didn't think so. Okay. Ja! July 26, 2001 4:25 pm, I did sleep you know. 


	5. THIS CHAPTER HAS NO TITLE!

Do You Know The Muffin Man

**Do You Know The Muffin Man?**

**THE LAST CHAPTER**

**This Chapter Has No Name**

** **

Everyone held their breath. 

"Ririna," the little Ray bounced. "Now ane-chan, isn't that my tier?" 

"Iie."

"Hai"

"Iie" 

"Hai."

"Iie."

"Hai"

"Iie" 

"Hai." 

(Um that took up half the page.)

Everyone sweat drops. Then realization hit the shadow. "DIE!" She screamed as she charged towards Ririna only to be knocked off course by the battle crazed Valkyrie. The ray jumped up and was about to punch Ririna in the face when she was shoved out of the way and a large bathtub slammed down on Ririna. "IT IS _I _THE GUMMY BEAR PRINCESS!" she laughed. She stopped and picked up the bathtub. "it's cracked," she whispered. 

"Daijoubu ka, miss?" Quatre stepped towards the princess. 

"IIE!" She threw the bathtub behind her and it hit Quatre on the head and he was knocked unconscious. 

Four clicks of guns. "Omae o koruso," Hiiro stated. 

"BUT IT'S BROKEN!" the princess wailed pointing to the bathtub. 

Everyone sweat dropped again. "Ano," the Valkyrie stepped towards the trigger happy soldier. "It's not her fault. Demo she didn't get rid of Ririna for you."

"hn."

The guns disappeared and the boys nodded understandingly. "ne Ane-chan," the ray stated. "We've outstayed our stay and we should go before someone gets mad." Her sister nodded and the two disappeared. 

"Damn Odin," the Valkyrie sighed. "I have another job." She smiled at the boys. "I have to go." With that she disappeared. 

The Gummy Bear Princess picked some gummy bears off of the floor. "I need more citizens," she looked straight at Dorothy and Millardo. With that look the two turned into gummy bears and she picked them up. "I should be going before my people get mad." She winked at them. "Eat more gummy bears."

"That was odd," Wufei muttered. He was holding a vase in front of him and a book behind him to cover up his underwear. "MY FAVORITE COFFEE MUG!" he cried as he spotted the broken mug.

Muffinville was still ground zero. Fluffy had died of some natural unnatural causes. Quatre was mopping around again……..sadly. Trowa and Wufei joined together drinking their coffee. Duo finally decided to clean up his house…….er what was left of it. Hiiro and Usagi lived at the park. Well Trowa and Wufei lived in a coffee shop if that meant anything. After a while Quatre had decided to open a farm so now he has about two hundred Fluffy's.

Two Years Later.

"Wu-man," Duo whined. "I want some coffee!"

Wufei snorted at the boy. "Coffee is for the strong, not the weak like you Maxwell." 

Usagi smiled and handed Duo a cup of coffee. She and Hiiro had taken control of Muffinville and they rebuilt it, with bigger streets. Pay cheeks were now up to five dollars as average. It was slowly rising as people earned more and more money. Wufei and Trowa stopped living in a coffee shop after they ran out of coffee. They opened one though. Does that mean anything? I don't know. You realize that this chapter is practically useless. But Duo noticed something one day. 

If the title of the story is 'Do you know the muffin **_MAN!_**' why is Ririna the Muffin Man. Is there something we don't know about her? (no offense to any genders) Um let's not think about. So the point of this is that everyone lives happily ever after. 

"OH NO!" Trowa cried. Wufei began shaking violently. "WUFEI that's your twenty two thousand, nine hundred twenty third cup of coffee, you know what 's going to happen!"

We don't really know but let's hope Wufei lives. 

Wufei burped and all was good. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~fin*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~

This was pointless. I know it was. Why did I write it? Flame, review, constructive criticism. All is good. It was strange wasn't it. (sigh) tell me why I wrote this? Did you know this last chapter was two pages? Heheheheh um lets say im out of it. But I kinda liked it. Especially Wufei and his coffee. August 13, 2001 4:09 pm. **__**


End file.
